Wednesday, December 8, 2010

December 8, 2010 - Tuesday before Christmas on Campus

It's been a while. Haven't been keeping track of Scott lately. But finally, a new post. One quote is from last night, and the rest is from last weekend.

Scott Quote From Last Night:

"I would fuck a unicorn."

The other night, Scott apparently was telling every girl he saw that he was going to rape them. Nice going, Scott. He also was reportedly yelling "Miami Valley here I come!" He, of course, has no recollection of this but rather was informed of it later. The climax of Scott's night came when he threw his unbreakable phone and succeeded in breaking it in half.

Wednesday, October 13, 2010

October 12, 2010 - Interviews

Last night, Scott came home from being "out" and spoke Spanish into the refrigerator for a while. Later, I heard a crash come from my room followed by Allie uttering, "Chriiiiiis." I entered to find that Scott had taken out the chair along with everything else in our room and was lying on the floor in the corner laughing, having fallen.

Scott Quotes From Last Night:

(As Allie walks by..)
"Don't you leave me."

"Rosie O'Donnell, John Stamos."

"Evidently I was more hammered than I was than I am right now."

"Ima hit some water up."

Sunday, October 10, 2010

October 9, 2010 - First Night After Fall Break

There are few words to describe this post. Scott came in speaking gibberish. Or Chinese, I'm not sure. I only wish I could figure out how to upload the videos from my phone.

Scott Quotes From Last Night:

"Education, fortification, masturbation... jasper."

"You look like the college pumpkin kid. The I love basketball. You love basketball? FUCK YOU!"

"You know how many more worms rhyme with dick than space?"



"Whenever I wanna see my girlfriend I just type p-a-n to the d-o-r-a."

"Ooh I have one friend request I hope its from a giiiiiiiirrrrrrl."

"My wallet needs a phone on it."

Sunday, October 3, 2010

October 2, 2010 - Parents Weekend

Last night, Scott apparently picked a flower, wrote a note to Allie saying "I picked you a flower," and left it next to the bed for Allie. Adorable.

Sunday, September 26, 2010

September 25, 2010 - Day Party at Commons

Yesterday, Scott brought a stray cat into Chris V.'s apartment. In the ensuing scene, someone yelled "He's got a cat!" followed by the cat running around for a few minutes before finally being chased out the door.

Friday, September 24, 2010

September 23, 2010 - Thursday

Scott Puke From Last Night:
Scott puked all over his bed last night. Woke up this morning and swore he didn't do it - he was framed.

Scott Quotes From Last Night:
(first two quotes uttered with a southern accent)

"You's a bitch and a limp dick."

"I been drinkin this beer for like a month! I keep tryin to finish it but it won't go away!"

"Moolah julah. Moolah theater. Moolahjulah!"

"I'm done! Pax Romana is over."

...after waking up covered in vomit:
"Oh no, thats disgustinggg."

Sunday, September 19, 2010

September 15, 2010 - Wednesday

Scott Texts From Last Night:
a conversation I had with Scott..

(314): Courtney love knows how kurt died
(1-314): Umm... cobain?
(314): Coby yes
(1-314): Is this breaking news?
(314): Its my breaking news chris. I know she knows. She is a bitch.
(1-314): Hahaha what are you doing
(314): Eating pizza. Thats italian ya. Fasting pizza. Love you

(314): Im a fighter chris i will live off the land if i want. Stats 9 suck me. Not going bitch.

(314): Some ppl ask me scott why did you quit the army. As if they do not know. I look them and sby boys, girls i love way close to ucity. I live war every day bitches. I have been a foot soldier for years. You want to meet a general come meet up with me. 5 stars? Got em. You got questions you gotta pay for an answer ya bitck. You ask too many you wont be able to ask another question. Me and the u army will take you down. We read bible code.

Saturday, September 11, 2010

September 10, 2010 - Friday

Scott and friends bonged beers with the Cousin Vinny's driver last night.

Scott Quotes From Last Night:

"Look. At this thing. I couldn't stick this up my ass!"
(Holding his Jimmy John's pickle)

Scott Texts From Last Night

(314): dance off time

(314): Plain pat what up. Mike? Passed out.

(314): Chris. I was thinking. I want you. I want you now. I want you forever. Sex hurts me but i let you go on because i love you

Friday, September 10, 2010

September 9, 2010 - Thursday

Scott lost his shoes last night.

Scott text from last night, 3:43 am:

(314): Do not fart loud. Allie is here

Monday, September 6, 2010

Sept. 4, 2010 - Labor Day Weekend

Scott Texts From Last Night:
(actually from this morning..)

(314): Damnit i ordered 24 wings last night

(314): Not sure im scared to look. Sacred hitlers. Told guy at tims i have not mailed anything in years so why would you ask me my zip code. He let me in. Lets do something. I love drinking. Drunk. Donatos.

(314):I have no home. I am a hunter gatherer. An urban dweller if you will. What are you doing. Its about time i poach an egg

Special guest appearance..

Kunkel Kwote from last night:

"I'm so down for a UFO right now."

Sunday, August 29, 2010

August 28, 2010 - First Week back at UD

We're back at UD for another year, and Scott is back as well. Nothing has changed.

Scott Text From Last Night:

(314): Ya just got here with (name witheld). But seriously I was tellin kelsi like it just romantic quick hook up. Just cuddle basically. Ill be very mad if you do not come back

Scott Quotes From Last Night:

(Holding his drink): "Wow. I'm about to put my dick in this. I'm gonna screw this screwdriver."

"Hey they fixed our fridge. I mean elevator."

"Ellen Degeneres as a cover girl is bull shit. She's a lesbian. I don't wanna see that shit.

Wednesday, July 7, 2010


Scott text from last night:

(314): I have no idea Cowlen. Im drunk. I feel like im high on life.

(314): Boners typically hold my beers.

(314): Coaxqog so drunk. So fun.

Scott quotes from last night:

"Sammy's black. Every Sam I know is black."

"I named my dick 2 meter peter."

"I woulda chugged this through my asshole. I woulda butt bonged this beer."

Monday, May 10, 2010

May 4-10, 2010 - Daytona

Let's start with a story. The first night in Daytona, Scott got lost. He had no idea where he was, and everyone was really worried about it. Turns out he managed to get ten miles away, and an employee at a Rally's had to call him a cab. He told me he thought he was in Orlando. He told his mother he thought he was in Mexico.

Scott texts from Daytona:

(314): I am waving a ride ride at the fourth house end house.

(314): Come to my virgin

(314): No ceiling

Scott quotes from Daytona:

"In the words of Brad Pickel, you look like a horse."

"I'm gonna say sorry to my own god damn ass. I was ready to jump in front of a tire."

"Charles Connolly is a free spirit. When you hang out with Charles's spirit, you've gotta keep an eye on it."

"You already ate a piece? Fatass."

"I like to rotate."

"Scott. Ranch. Scott. Ranch."
(while dipping his food in ranch)

"What is this, a parking ticket?"
(It was a receipt.)

"Flop flip flop flip flip flip flop flop."

"I wish I was Bert and Chris was Ernie. I've been convinced they're gay since my birth."

"I'm sick and tired of people saying, 'Why didn't you name yourself Dill?' If someone said, "Why don't you call yourself Angelica?' I would not be upset. I need something new. I just wanna be known as Scott... Don't correlate it with any 1990 TV show."

"I would trust a fucking statue before I would trust you, Cowlen."

"SHUT UP MIKE. You're always whinin'. Mike Wyan. Mike Whinin'."

"Annette wouldn't care. Conette. Nanette."

"You don't have a D cup. I wish you had a D cup."

"I like to chug in the sand. Its more aerodynamic."

"I'm going to go to the airport tomorrow and be like, 'I'm Scott Pickel can I get on a fuckin plane?I paid for it I swear."

"Sacagawea says no! Long live B. Anthony."

"Jefferson Davis."

"I just ate asbestos. Migalignant melanoma, that's what I just ate.

"Open up your legs. Prison sex. Cowlen, open up your legs."

"Listen up, Lisa Leslie. I'm sick and tired of your shit. Go play basketball."

"Are we going to the circus first?"

"I heard you, ronito."

"Look how cute this one is!"
(when he found a tiny palm tree)

"Everything's feminine now for guys. I can't read a book without someone fuckin judging me. What kind of world do we live in today?"

"Save your energy for my sack."
(when Scott wanted me to shave his face for him)

"When I'm hammered, I don't feel my own fucking mother's name."

"We were made to be roommates. We were made to be anal buddies."

"I will after beer pong. And after I get circumcized."

"19 years old, 25 days, I'm gonna live forever."

"The mad hungrarian. He's very hungry."

"Mike Ryan's a big jolly green giant."

"Hey slowpoke get your fuckin ass up."

"It does feel like a fuckin helicopter cuz you go up, then land like on a fuckin sumo wrestler."
(while taking the elevator)

"I'm layin' on the fuckin track."

"Holy shit the fucking solar eclipse is happening right now. The northern lights are happening in this room right now."

"I am three for four with three cuts."

"No don't grab Cowlen's hand he's being a god damn plaid pants."

"Kasey I just wanna touch your tits. I don't care if it's drug induced, or permissive. I don't even know what permissive means."

"I didn't touch your tits!"

"Cowlen I'm about to shave your fuckin head."

"This bed is unleavened. Bed needs some yeast."

"This is better than anything I will ever stumble upon."

Sarah: "Did it work?"
Scott: "No, but I'm gonna finger myself."
(While Scott was trying to throw up. He meant stick his fingers down his throat.)

"I would have definitely gone to the doctor if I was home."

"No ceilings. I never learned to tell time."

"Adorable and a gerbil. No wait. Adorable and enjoyable."

"Cowlen is bruisin for a cruisin. I'm gonna fuck Cowlen on the dick."

Friday, April 30, 2010

April 30, 2010 - Last night at UD

Very last night at UD for freshman year. Scott stumbled in around 3:30 and eventually passed out on the couch.

Scott quotes from last night:

"Calling it makes me easier."

"Put a vac- not a vacuum. Put a trash can right there."

"Don't go to war, please."

Chris: "Scott, do you want to sleep in your bed instead?"
Scott: "I'd rather make sure you're ok."

Saturday, April 24, 2010

April 23, 2010 - The Last Friday

Scott woke up this morning and asked if he just chilled in the room last night. Nope, he went out.

Scott text from last night:

(314): Pumpkin seeds

Scott quotes from last night:

"I don't care if a turtle takes a shot. I'm taking a shot."

"You are a little loud, hirohito."

"The castle... it's the biggest... it's the bestest... it's the nicest on campus... but I assure you, Cowlen, there will be a party."

"I'll take a multi-grain handful of seeds."

"I'm just lookin for that right girl who likes 2 inch dick."

Friday, April 23, 2010

April 21, 2010 - Wednesday

Scott went out, and then apparently went to the library to look for someone. He called me around 2:45 am.

Scott quotes from last night:

Scott: "Where are you?"
Chris: "In our room."
Scott: "Where are you in our room? You must be lost in our room."

"Why don't you become a psychoangelo?"

"You're just a shit disturber, Cowlen."

Scott: "I'm six minutes away."
Chris: "Where are you?"
Scott: "Six minutes away."

By the way he didn't come back until 4am.

Monday, April 19, 2010

April 18, 2010 - Night Before Scott's Birthday

Scott has no recollection of Saturday night. Woke up Sunday with Mancala pieces in his pocket.

Scott text from last night:

(314): Chris if you play. Mancala ill lillyyo

Scott quotes from last night:

"The devil wears prada. She wears prada. Cass is wearing prada."

"I'm finding the first cat picture and whatever it says, I'm doing."

"Padraig Harrington, what's up."

"Pupil. That pupil is pupil."


(Answering his phone):

(on the phone):
"Is this one of those free bets to get a case? Cuz if not, squirtle."

"Chucky huckles. I'm waiting for chuckles huckles."

"I swear to God you fuckin suck on me tits."

Sunday, April 11, 2010

April 10, 2010 - Lowes Fest

Last night, Scott was walking around campus with purse full of beers. He looked like Alan from The Hangover. He also stayed up until 9:30 am. He called me at 7:30 and asked where I was. I told him where I was and told him I was going to go back to sleep. He called me at 7:40 and asked where I was. I told him the same thing.

Scott quotes from last night:

"I feel like a newborn baby. I can't hold my fucking head up."

"I don't owe a Cubs fan anything. I don't care if they ree-sus-sus-atate me after a terrible plane crash. You have a beautiful face for a Cubs fan."

Me: "Scott what are you doing?"
Scott: "Karate choppin'."

"I was seriously a black belt fifteen minutes ago."

"I believe in racism. I believe in satan. But I don't believe in the Cubs."

"The Goblet of Fire and the Bradberry bag."

"Stick it up your ass and get the fuck over here."

"Room poop. Poop room."

"I'd rather have Dumbledore."
(while we were arguing about who should narrate the discovery channel show "Life.")

The next morning...

"I mean if Lisa Leslie invited me back to her room, I'd go."

"It's like the fucking movie. We're trying to find Private Ryan."

"Where'd your fucking stupid Malaysian hat go?"

"Private littering is romantic."

"Listen, I do wanna touch your ass, but I wanna do it under my own power."

"Somebody give me scissors so I can cut off that stupid shirt Allison has on."

"You literally just liberated my asshole."

Friday, April 9, 2010

April 8, 2010 - Thursday, Our Room

Last night, we had some people over in our room. Scott didn't make it out.

Scott text from last night:

(314): 4 3 2 1 bye

Scott quotes from last night:

"That's a hand print saying I love you."

"If there's any dick to suck, I would hope you'd suck mine."

"This is Jim." (holding and pointing to his contact solution.)

Tuesday, April 6, 2010

April 5, 2010 - First Night Back

Scott came in last night mumbling about the text from last night that mentions "Barack Obonga, Commander in Kief." Necessary to know if the first quote is to make any sense whatsoever.

Scott Quotes From Last Night:

"J.D. Drew can suck on my left nut as much as he wants to. Colleen Ambrose, left nut, Commander in Kief."

"Desmond Johnson was not the president of the major leagues of softball."

"Can Johnson win it for the Negro Leagues? The Negro Leagues suck, I don't have to say why... and here comes the pitch and its a home run. And the Negro Leagues win, by the score of 4 to 2, on a home run by the wizard. Go crazy, folks."

"ROTC will fuck my dick."

"2:06? AM,PM, or SM? If its SM I'm staying up all night."

"P.S.... what does P.S. mean? I don't fucking know."

"I will fuck a piano before I touch your turtle, you suckacockawakanaka."

"You leave me with all the highlights of your black life."

"Why don't you Huggims him? Haha, get it? Fucker."

"Ramen, ramen, what am I, fuckin' Asian?"

Friday, April 2, 2010

April 3, 2010 - Easter Break

One lone quote from Scott tonight, but he did sprint out my front door and I had to chase him across my lawn and down my street because he refused to wait for his sister to drive all the way up to my house. Anyway, the not-so-exciting quote:

"There's a butterfly."

Saturday, March 27, 2010

March 26, 2010 - Just A Friday

Scott quotes from last night:

"Fifth fourth third second first."

(Answering his phone)
"Manure, manure, manure, manure, hellooo."

"House, follow me they're trying to fuckin rape me."

"My ass is not open."

"Saturday is gonna be awesome its gonna be dirty its gonna be out of your mind raw ass."

"Shut up Jim I'll suck on your dick."

"Don't worry guys I'm not passing out." he we close the door to Pat and Jeremy's room on him where he passed out.

Friday, March 26, 2010

March 25, 2010 - 3rd Floor Girls' Room

Quotes from Scott:

"I belong to the Catholic apostolic church. One holy Catholic apostolic church."

"Chris I feel like a fuckin' ape right now."

"Chris we're friends. Hakuma matata."

"Sometimes I can't hold my vaginal bladder."

"That's my spoon. Fuck you."

"I love crustaceans."
(While singing along to the discovery channel commercial, the actual lyric is "I love arachnids.")

"If I was in the bomb on Nagasaki, I'd die."

"Me llamo es family."

"Sitting down is the definition of woman."

"Cal Ripken is my manhood."

Tuesday, March 23, 2010

March 23, 2010 - Tuesday Night

Scott text from last night:

(314) Somehow just fell into the trash.

Sunday, March 21, 2010

March 21, 2010 - Sibs Weekend Part Two

Someone told Scott he couldn't sprint all the way across Stuart field and up the hill. So he did. Then he disappeared at the top of the hill. I don't know where he went. Neither does he.

Saturday, March 20, 2010

March 19, 2010 - Sibs Weekend

Scott text from last night, while at Hooters with his family:

(314) "Crew: our waitress is hot. I have a boner while with my family."

Sometime after midnight...
Scott and his sister are walking on the sidewalk in the ghetto taking shots out of a bottle of vodka. A cop pulls up and gives them a citation, during which the cop asked Scott how old he was. He replied,

"I'm 17, going on 19."

Scott is 19. His motives for this statement remain unclear.

Thursday, March 18, 2010

March 17, 2010 - St. Patrick's Day

"Jason Bourne is the home of my saint. Copy cat, printer, Caitlin, orange, yellow, fuck, pup n suds."

"Joey! Your bible is the best bible! Joey's is better... Joey your bible is the best bible. I was in the bible, and my teacher said turn to page 66, like the bible turned itself."

"I'll make out with mother of god."

"Muslims pray five times a day. I have to pray five times a day. I am muslim."

"Pocahontas and John Smith. They got married. She met the tree and the tree with the wind..."

"Everything and underthing."

"You don't read basset hounds, you play with basset hounds."

"My sister had a basset hound, but then a duck ate it. The duck ate the basset hound."

"It's my carmel apple ranger bar. I have a fish."

"In the words of James Blunt you are flying high."

"I love Charlie like 99 66 percent."

"Everytime Charlie comes over he wakes me up, I wake up, I sober, then I drink."

"I would save Jesus before I would save the world. I mean I would save Charlie before the world I love him so much. Donatos."

"Ow, my soldier!" (referring to his head)


"I just sat in 27 oceans right there."

"I'm going to copy my sandwich so I have six of them." (and proceeds to photocopy his sandwich)

"I am Albert Einstein and Bill Gates times 66. I will be Bill Self at the end of this."

"Drink? I'm not fucking Dave Chappelle."

"I don't care if Roland tells me I can't walk to see Lupita. I'm walking to her and saying 'I built your house, bitch."

A running list of the antics of one Scott Pickel. It all started on St. Patrick's Day, 2010 at the University of Dayton...